Loneliness is a paradox while walking the path of a witch. Many a witch in our time have written on this topic, and I wish to contribute my experiences and my two cents.
The further down the rabbit hole you go the further you become separated from what other people experience in their “normal” day-to-day lives. Only you are experiencing these things and only you fully understand the meaning and the presence they have in your life. It can be very isolating. Yet, you’re never alone because spirit is always with you. Those who walk with you never leave you and yet, in this human existence there is this constant struggle to not feel completely alone.
Some of us who walk the path of Priestess, find ourselves in a space of being untouchable. On a very human level, any romance or love interest is quickly scooped up and taken away by those who guide you with gentle whispers of “There is work to do. You have work to do”. Only wraiths and spirit lovers make their way between your sheets while you slumber. Perhaps a Knight of Cups once slipped through the cracks, but he arrived with a basket full of poison apples and my friends, I will admit, I took a bite of every single one.
Lessons from Lilith, perhaps.
Lessons hard learned.
Years pass with a cold bed. You become normalized in this space of being alone.
Perhaps our constant state of evolution, our constant awakenings, shifting and changing prevent us from taking on partners because we can hardly keep up with ourselves let alone having someone else come along for the ride. I like to think that that’s the case and not that I am a little bit too strange or a little bit too invested in my practice for anyone to be welcomed in.
So I pose the question... If we are working towards a place of wholeness in ourselves, do we need a partner? I can and do feel complete in my divine self. Is there something that I’m missing? Is it necessary? Am I becoming too removed from my human-ness?
Spirit tells me that a partner would only stand in my way (at the moment) and perhaps it’s true. I do see my faults in that I give too much of myself to my partners. I lose a threat of myself. In this state of being, in this person that I am becoming I need every thread of myself for myself. This I can understand.
I also understand that there are long dark hallways of luggage full of shadows to unpack here. I feel like I’ve been unpacking them for years. I’m sure this letter is the continuation of their unpacking.
And so, in a haze, I throw myself, seething and sky clad, into the deepest rituals. A heart full of devotion to those who come forward when I call. My only reprieve from the deep loneliness my human form so often experiences, but a total reprieve it is.
This work, is one I could never walk away from. Lonely or not. This work that has healed me, helped me heal myself in so many ways. A work I am willingly bound to by oath and blood. A work I am so humbly grateful for. I was warned of the loneliness of this path from a very unexpected source many years ago. I remember at that time saying to him “ I am never truly alone” and I felt so sure and confident as the presence of Spirit was so new and so crisp and so tangible, that there was no doubt in my mind that I would ever feel any other way!
I think it’s important for us to remember how tangible that connection to Spirit is to help us through those dark hours when our hearts feel heavy and low. Here lies a very good reason why ritual and daily devotion is an important practice.
I’m sure many will here me on this... This isn’t a path I chose. It’s a call I heard and felt in the very fibre of my being. The longer I ignored it, the unhealthier I became. I am here for a reason. We ALL are here for a reason. Let us find solace in knowing that many of us walk this truly solitary path alone, and together.