Entry

The Girl with The Golden Hair

When I was a little girl, I very much lived in a magickal world.  One that was filled with fairies and gnomes around every corner and under every leaf.  The forest spoke to me and felt like a universe of possibilities. Witches flew through the sky across the full moon’s light.  I made potions out of all things and kept them in my vanity cupboards. I would spend so much time (usually while in the bath) staring down the shampoo bottles, willing them to move with my mind.  I also had what many would deem to be, an imaginary friend.  I called her Sissy.  She was the sister I never had in this human lifetime.  She was often my only play mate.  She had long golden hair as I had brown hair and was of similar age to me.  I was aware of her until maybe 8 years old and then the burdens of growing up were abound and she was gone.

 I dabbled in the craft up until I was a teen.  Yes, I just admitted to dabbling!  I hadn’t the awareness yet to understand fully the seriousness and the depth of what had been calling me home all my life.  I still went to church with my parents for the most part and I didn’t start questioning the church’s faith until I was about 12 going through Catechism and being prepared for first confession (which came to a hard stop and I did not complete).

 After a spell not so much backfired, but showed to me it’s realness, I got scared and put my books away for some time. I was gaining power and I knew that, but my immature mind wasn’t ready, and I was preoccupied anyways with being a rebellious teenager with a life to burn. I fell very hard into drugs around this time, this portion of my life lasting a solid decade.  I claimed to be Atheist if anyone asked. Let’s be real here, the only thing I believed in at that time was the vibe of the party and the bumper in my pocket.

 Let’s flash forward, as not to bore you and diverge from the point of this story, through a decade of raves and a powdery amphetamine haze.  Through an overdose, a psychosis, the death of my party life and a space of having to redefine who I was outside of all of that.  Through a marriage that sucked the life out of me and the birth of my beautiful baby.  Through the death of my mother and the birth of my second beautiful baby. To a place I found myself in once again of lonely abandonment.  This is when the call of the Dark Mother came again.  And this is when I finally answered.

 Deeply I dove into my practice.  So much so I was wondering if all those hits of LSD had finally caught up to me.  I was really losing it, I probably (definitely) appeared crazy to those on the outside, but I HAD to get lost in order to find myself (oh heyyy, now there is  a reoccurring theme for my whole life thus far!).  I spent hours and hours in deep journey.  I finally found my place on the Holy Mound and that’s where I saw her. 

 She had long golden hair and the most familiar face.  I cried so hard, like the feeling of finding home after a long confusing time away.  Even the feeling and thought of her now brings me to tears.  Through every journey thereafter, she was there.  In every past life I was shown.  Sometimes we were sisters. Sometimes we were friends or lovers.  We were witches or midwives or exiled from our village and hiding out in a cave. She showed me many lives and many deaths. She showed me so much of my inner landscapes and the way between the worlds.  I came to realise that her presence was here in my waking life too.  She was my guiding spirit.  The one who has been with me throughout all of my lives and will be with my throughout the rest of them. She is my fetch spirit, my Holy Daimon.   She is as much a part of me as she is separate.  She is the link between me and the otherworld. She helps me keep one foot firmly planted on both sides. She shows me how to ride the hedge.  She helps me find the words to speak and the rhymes to sing when raising power.  She helps carry my spells into the Aether and see them through.

 Tapping into the witching other is a powerful, life changing thing.  Every witch comes to a point in their practice when the existence of the Other becomes known to them, and that’s when everything they knew of magick changes.  Magick goes from something you do, to something you are.  You begin to feel the deep connection to your path that goes far beyond your meat suit experiences and limitations.  Your magick infuses itself with your mundane life.  No, magick IS in your mundane life already, but this new awareness of its realness helps you recognize that and nurture that and thus YOU become stronger as a magickal awakened being. 

 Dreams become stronger.  Visions and journeys become clearer. Your psychic mind strengthens. Synchronicities become abundant and the TRUST in your KNOWING becomes unbreakable.  Your spells become bullet proof because you trust in your magick and the magick of Spirit so much more.  This is what it is to know your fetch or your Holy Daimon.  This is what it is to know who’s got your back on the other side of the hedge.

 This energy is with us whether we know it or not. Perhaps just reading this will be enough to perpetuate the opening of your awareness to this energy and in that case, you’re welcome.  Yes there are many that have our back on the other side, be it other helpers that are sent to you or the deities that you work with. This one,  this one  is different. This one is with you every time you travel down that beautiful thread of the great web. This one knows your story in it’s entirety and leads you.  They help you find your way & navigate your crooked path to the place of your truth, your purpose.

 They are amongst those who hold counsel for you during your late night divining and rituals. They are the little voice in your head and the feeling within your gut that advises you of whether to go or to stay.  They are the ones who help you find the spell ingredients you require in your time of need. 

 I am not here to tell you that they are the only ones who are guiding you on your path. I am simply here to provoke a thought.  To kindle the flame; the possibility of the realness of this energy that is with you.  I’m here to provoke and encourage the experience of exploring this energy in your rituals and your practices.  Some occultist refer to this being as your guardian angel. Myself, I am not totally sure about that, or whether or not my guardian angel has been with me throughout every lifetime.  I never considered myself to be much of an angel kind of girl.  Perhaps this is something I too need to explore. Perhaps I need to widen my viewpoint here as Spirit is limitless.   Perhaps the guardian angels aren’t giving enough credit.

 Perhaps it is she who prevented me from dying in that Burger King bathroom after a long weekend of partying many, many years ago. That I may never know. I do know however, who shows up when I open the ways and I do know who shows up in my darkest hour to guide me back to my path and guide me back to the Dark Mother.

 I do encourage you to explore this and find its truth within you. Through journey, through ritual, through automatic writing, through offering. I encourage you to know yourself and your purpose deeper.  I encourage you to show up fully within your practice and by doing so acknowledging your existence through this Other amongst the realms, as they are as much a part of you as you are a part of them.

 

 

 

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